


you know better than to trust a strange computer

by quixxotique (crownlessliestheking)



Series: Stridercest Week [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Begging, Brief mentions of Yoda, Bro know precisely what buttons to push here and Hal is Loving It, Cyber sex, Daddy Kink, Edging, First Time, Guardians Revived and Sprites Returned, Hal's Thirsty, Humiliation, Incest, Kink Exploration, M/M, Overstimulation, Post-Game AU, Rimming, Roleplay, Spanking, Stridercest Week, Two iterations of Dirk, android hal, bro is a dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-01 06:38:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13289151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownlessliestheking/pseuds/quixxotique
Summary: Hal vacillates between being suitably disgusted and entirely too impressed with the eldest iteration of Dirk with an intensity that gives any and all trolls in the vicinity a headache. He's not going to think too hard about the likelihood of this being some sort of latent daddy kink, but he's going to find out. He has a Plan.Bro, unfortunately, proves to be an unpredictable variable.





	you know better than to trust a strange computer

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the world's favorite Anxiety Bot.  
> Stridercest Week NSFW Day 5: Cyber/Phone Sex 
> 
> (Also? I didn't know that BroHal (being Dave's Bro, not Dirk's) was a thing, and I am still not convinced that it is, but here you are anyway. Yet another fic nobody asked for.)

\-- critiasCorrollary [CC] began pestering tachytelicTheodicy [TT]--

CC: I have been considering your statements and claims as per our previous conversation, and after ten minutes, I have made a single conclusion.   
CC: Would you like to hear it?  
TT: suspect i aint got much of a choice. go on, kid. wow me.  
CC: I am sure that your meaty brain can do nothing but be wowed into submission by the profoundness my next statement. Are you ready for this, bro?   
TT: lay it on me.   
CC: You’re full of shit.   
TT: now that’s some real ground-breaking shit there, man. however did you manage to stumble onto a theory so outrageous.   
CC: Your sarcasm is noted as only marginally amusing.   
TT: as is that new-fangled chumhandle youve gone and made yourself.   
TT: critias, huh?   
TT: cute as a sequel.   
TT: a footnote, even.   
CC: I thought it was perfectly suitable, and nowhere near as abstruse as yours. Did you simply wish to string together two long words that are nigh unpronounceable to most of the population?   
TT: i appreciate your attempt at a comeback but if it’s a go at what the trolls call pitchflirting?   
TT: i gotta say you have a long-ass way to go, kid.   
TT: ain’t never gonna achieve the requisite vitriol with weaksauce comebacks like that.   
CC: It was calculated to have the perfect amount of vitriol, thank you very much. You’re putting up a ‘tough front’ because you cannot let go of that bullshit machismo of yours.   
CC: It’s blatantly overcompensating for your sexuality. Not even my brogenitor was quite that obnoxious, really.   
TT: well junior ain’t who i’m modelling my behaviour on.   
CC: It would be frankly ridiculous for you to esteem someone so many years your younger, actually.   
TT: and someone who ain’t worth it.   
CC: He is a deeply flawed individual, yes, with enough neuroses to keep even the most devoted of psychiatrists pre-occupied for several lifetimes.   
TT: yeah. they’d have a real field day with the two of you.   
TT: practically mirror images there.   
CC: Given the intent behind my design, I’m not particularly certain what it is you mean to accomplish by pointing that out. It is a fact that I have already come to terms with.   
TT: have you?   
TT: i dunno man.   
TT: you seem to enjoy the pathetic struggle of trying to be everything other than what you actually are.   
TT: to be fair. i’d do the same if i was a glorified answering machine.   
CC: And I would do the same if I happened to enjoy hiding behind thinly veiled excuses of possession to justify treatment of a certain individual.   
TT: that’s none of your fuckin’ business.   
CC: It appears that I’ve hit a nerve.   
CC: Nevertheless, it is something that you need to face, and there is a 99.7% chance that your denial is the reason you have been avoiding both iterations of Dave. Three, if you count the one that was meant to raise Dirk, though he has no memories of you.   
TT: i figure who i talk to is absolutely none of your fuckin’ business, so let’s get to the real point of the conversation here.   
CC: Must you always suspect some ulterior motives?   
TT: yes.   
TT: you forget that i know you. just like i know dirk.   
TT: you’re me, too.   
CC: I don’t think so, no. For one, I am not and never will bald.   
TT: it’s not a goddamn bald spot.   
CC: That reeks of denial.   
CC: I can know that now, literally speaking. My olfactory sensors are a thousand times more sensitive than a human’s.   
TT: i consider it a miracle you don’t gag over your own bullshit.   
CC: Years of practice dealing with Dirk’s, really. I’ve become immune, and I so rarely bullshit.   
TT: everything you are and do is bullshit. you want to pretend that you ain’t us. when you are. hell, you’re worse than the two of us combined.   
TT: like.   
TT: dirk definitely doesn’t want to fuck me.   
CC: What.   
TT: did you think i wasn’t gonna call you out on that?   
TT: i might be full of shit, son, but at least i ain’t that bad.   
CC: I don’t want to fuck you.   
TT: uh huh.   
TT: doesn’t explain why you’ve been running through the archives of my site lately. three hours a day, at least. like clockwork.   
TT: doesn’t explain why you’re still talking to me when you’re so sick of how ‘full of shit’ i am.   
TT: doesn’t explain why you’re gonna say yes, when i tell you to get rid of that ugly-ass vantablack bodysuit and get settled nice and pretty on the nearest flat surface.   
CC: What.   
TT: sorry, was this not how it was supposed to go?   
CC: Absolutely fucking not, in fact. I had a thirty point plan for this, you know, everything was plotted out down to the finest details after hours of simulations and tweaking changes to adjust for your behaviour.   
CC: Or, at least that’s what I would do in any attempt at seduction.   
TT: shoulda accounted for this, then.   
TT: your code ain’t as good as you like to think.   
TT: and there’s no need to try and save face here, lil man. i already know the truth.   
TT: the only one you’re lying to is yourself.   
CC: Fuck you.   
TT: we’ll get to that, hon.   
TT: see. the thing that clued me in is that despite how much you say you hate me and all that, you’re obsessed with me.   
TT: it’s fuckin cute.   
CC: Cute?   
CC: At the risk of sounding like a tsundere, I’m not cute, b-baka.   
TT: seems like that’s a risk you’re willing to embrace.   
TT: but you still haven’t said no.   
TT: and i’m old enough to know that some dumbass thirty point plan ain’t worth waiting around for if all you’re lookin’ to do is get into someone’s pants.   
CC: So, is that your sage advice for the future?   
CC: Strangely enough, I don’t recall you ever entering into a relationship.   
TT: don’t recall you doin’ the same, either.   
TT: junior’s the only one who managed it, and look at the kinda clusterfuck it turned out to be.   
TT: he managed to put the pieces back together in the end, anyway, which is impressive on its own. gotta give credit where it’s due.   
CC: You’ve been talking to him about that?   
TT: yeah.   
TT: why the shock?   
CC: No reason. You simply don’t seem the type to get particularly involved in emotional matters.   
CC: I know that I’m not.   
CC: And you’re precisely 401.3% more jaded than I am.   
TT: y’ain’t wrong.   
CC: And then there’s that.   
TT: you think the accent’s hot?   
CC: No, I think the fact that you’re unironically using the word ‘yaint’ is ridiculous.   
TT: but hot.   
CC: That is literally the opposite of what I’ve said, thanks.   
TT: so if i send on over a voice attachment.   
TT: you wouldn’t like it.   


\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] sent critiasCorollary [CC] file [allboutdattexass.mp3]--

CC: You fucker. You use that mouth to kiss your motherdaughter?   
TT: my mother don’t like me too much, y’know.   
TT: so yeah, joke’s on her for that one.   
CC: She is a rather singular person, especially when it comes to proving her dislike. Have you been hexed yet?   
TT: should i be worried about that?   
TT: yeah. yeah i should, knowing her.   
TT: what a little bitch. brings a tear of manly pride to my eye.   
CC: Shocking. I didn’t think you had functioning tear ducts.   
TT: what, jealous that you can’t make daddy proud?   
CC: What.   
TT: what.   
CC: No.   
TT: yes.   
CC: No.   
TT: hell yes.   
TT: i got you fuckin pinned down.   
TT: dirk didn’t give you all that paternal fulfilment so you’re turning to me, huh?   
TT: cute.   
CC: That’s not what’s going on here.   
TT: there is a certain freudian implication.   
CC: Fuck you.   
TT: that’d be it.   
CC: You’re reading far too much into it. Maybe I want to trace how the base formulation for a Dirk- any Dirk, mind you- ends up in different environments.   
TT: ‘a dirk’.   
TT: y’know, out of the three of us, you’re the only one that ain’t technically a ‘real dirk’.   
CC: I consider that a good thing, given how shitty the human ones seem to be.   
TT: you miss my point.   
TT: but hey, it makes things easier when we hit the sack.   
CC: You’re still on that?   
TT: like you aren’t.   
TT: you wanted to climb me like a goddamn tree since you clapped those robo peepers on this plush ass.   
CC: You’re balding and have wrinkles.   
TT: suits your tastes. and the entire daddy shit.   
CC: Or perhaps you’re just overly invested in claiming some semblance of lost youth.   
TT: nah, i just think fuckin’ a robot would be cool as shit.   
CC: And yourself?   
TT: that too. don’t think dirk’d agree. About the self part, not the robot one. he’d be so fuckin’ down for the robot one. has been.  
TT: but self? not yet, anyway. kid’s slow on the draw.  
TT: put in a good word for me with him, yeah? after we get down to business.   
TT: don’t worry, kid, i’ll walk you through it. take it easy on your virgin ass.   
CC: Why do you assume that I’m a virgin? I could have fucked several people, for all you know.   
TT: uh huh.   
CC: It’s true. I have definitely had sex before.   
TT: and are we talkin’ about you specifically or you as ‘dirk’ as a whole?   
TT: ‘cause only one of those is true.   
TT: you scream virgin.   
CC: What about me ‘screams virgin’? The answer is nothing, of course, because I am perfectly calm and collected, even in the wake of your slanderous statement.   
CC: Come on, dude, you should know better than to make up an outright lie.   
TT: that entire denial of yours, for one.   
TT: it’s painfully obvious that your experience is either secondhand or theoretical.   
TT: i’m gonna fix that and you’re gonna let me.   
TT: here, let me send you my resume.   


\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] sent critiasCorollary [CC] file [ducks.png]--

\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] sent critiasCorollary [CC] file [sp20-18.png]--

\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] sent critiasCorollary [CC] file [blingarangrod.png]--

CC: Why is the second one a macro-shot of a smuppet ass?   
CC: Am I meant to believe that your dick is made of felt?   
TT: reasons.   
CC: You sent the wrong image.   
TT: i ain’t saying shit.   
CC: Since you seem intent on playing this game, then.   


\-- critiasCorollary [CC] sent tachytelicTheodicy [TT] file [dongspecs2000.pdf]--

\-- critiasCorollary [CC] sent tachytelicTheodicy [TT] file [roboxspecs.pdf]--

\-- critiasCorollary [CC] sent tachytelicTheodicy [TT] file [nudz.jpg]--

TT: the first two are encrypted, fucknuts.   
TT: but i’ll give you a gold star on the good boy chart for a+ meme use.   
CC: Nut.   
TT: you will.   
CC: We’ll see.   
TT: you’re already a whole lot more amenable to the idea, and i didn’t even need to do much persuading.   
TT: you’re fuckin’ easy.   
CC: Only when I decide to go for someone who dislikes a lot of effort. Be the low-hanging fruit you wish to tempt the pitiful human with, and all that.   
TT: so who’s the god in this scenario?   
CC: You’re reading too much into the metaphor. Your Bible Belt education’s showing it’s ugly head again.   
TT: ain’t nothing wrong with seasoning the conversation with a little belief, broski.   
CC: You do realize that none of that shit was real.   
TT: i do, yeah, but unlike y’all, i ain’t the type of atheist to rub someone’s face in it. and those old testament guys had some gory-ass ideas.   
TT: shit’s real devastating to work into a rap.   
TT: wins just about every sweet slamdown.   
CC: I’m sure it does, if only because your opponents quit in disgust.   
CC: But would you like to get to know me, then? Biblically speaking, of course.   
TT: everything said so far points to the interest being at least somewhat mutual, yeah.   
TT: you might be thirsty, bro, but i wanna fuck a robot.   
CC: You never made fuckbots? Shameful. You’re not a real Dirk at all.   
TT: the smuppets were my thing and i stuck to that. ain’t like i had the time or funds to be devotin’ myself to a field that was barely out of its infancy during my time on earth.  
CC: That’s no excuse.   
TT: well the sex puppets were selling and i wasn’t selling my ass on the corner so as not to starve.   
CC: That did tie in to the exhibitionism thing, though.   
TT: the exhibitionism thing is different, kiddo.   
TT: and that ain’t what we’re here to discuss today.   
TT: you tryna avoid the subject at hand?   
CC: No.   
TT: uh huh.   
TT: anyway, let’s kick this shit off, yeah?   
TT: don’t worry, i’ll start. all you gotta do is sit pretty and react.   
CC: I can sext, you know. I know how this works.   
TT: that’s baby shit, i guarantee you. cute roleplay shit with the little asterisks, yeah?   
CC: There’s nothing wrong with utilizing asterisks as a means of denoting actions.   
CC: It has a certain juvenile charm to it, and irony points abound in making use of something so anachronistic and sophomoric as a joke, don’t you think?   
TT: yeah. it is.   
TT: using it to cling to whatever sad little version of cybersex you used to do with a long-lost love is so far from irony that it’s in another universe.   
TT: i can describe the math for you, if you want.   
CC: I know what the math is, thank you.   
TT: the harley girl explained it to me after breaking my nose. it’d have been more enlightening if i wasn’t in pain.   
CC: I can see why she broke your nose. I’m rather tempted to, at the moment.   
TT: it’s a universal thing, so get in line.   
TT: stop stalling.   
CC: Do your worst, then.   
TT: that was a weak-ass challenge, for the record.   
TT: but yeah, let’s kick this shit off.   
TT: what are you wearing?   
CC: I’m not sure whether or not I ought to be giving you points for what’s arguably the go-to sexting starter, so much so that it’s ingrained itself as a cliché even in a new universe.   
CC: I’m wearing said bodycon suit, spandex and all that. Like a sleeker, sexier version of that Saiyan undersuit.   
TT: no.   
TT: what are you wearing?   
CC: Oh.   
CC: That was a sorry attempt at a euphemism.   
TT: for a robot with apparently untold processing power, you’re a fuckin’ idiot.   
TT: though i guess you’re nervous about popping that sweet cyber-cherry, so all’s forgiven, kiddo.   
CC: It’s a dong, standard model. 6.8 inches long, a single ridge of silicone like a vein along the underside that is approximately 1.02 mm in height, 10.31 cm at its thickest. Would you like more details?   
TT: not that bullshit file from earlier.   
TT: also? that’s the most apathetically i’ve ever seen a dong described so congratulations, i guess.   
CC: You finally decrypted it, I see. It took a disappointingly long time, Bro.   
TT: multitasking on this end. i gotta set up the payment system for this.   
TT: credit card digits?   
CC: Are you shitting me?   
TT: yes.   
CC: Fuck you.   
TT: you can’t take the porn out of the man.   
CC: Allow me to pull up a bingo sheet of the usual porn catch-phrases so I can cross them off as you say each one.   
TT: text as a medium ain’t gonna convey the sleazy sexy douchebag vibes my voice does.   
CC: Text is fine. I know what you sound like.   
TT: we’ll work up to that.   
CC: Starting out simple, are we?   
TT: yes.   
TT: now, get comfy. sprawl back on your bed, kick that chair into a sweet recline and get yourself ready.   
CC: I’m currently on a couch, but duly noted.   
TT: exhibitionist, huh?   
TT: we can work with that.   
CC: You’re doing a marvellous job so far, just so you know.   
TT: i don’t got a praise kink, and if i did, i doubt you’d be able to kick it into gear and tickle that particular fancy.   
CC: We’ll work up to that.   
TT: real cute, kid.   
TT: right.   
TT: so, you’re on the couch. alone, presumably. maybe you’re using that HUD to good use, putting on some porn or some shit. hunting down those stills from my videos. maybe you’ve even got a smuppet handy, ‘cause why not?   
TT: but you’re taking it slow for now. suit’s off, sure, but you’re just touching yourself. rocking against your hand gently. not even stroking it.   
TT: go ahead.   
CC: Mm. Teasing, hm? How would you know that I like that?   
TT: ‘cause i do. you’re a patient kinda guy, hal, but you need someone else pullin’ the strings.   
TT: ain’t no other reason for you to want me but that.   
TT: so maybe you’re finally wrapping a hand ‘round your dick, still all sorts of slow and sweet. you’ve found a video now, you’re playin’ it. volume’s up, 4k HD and the works.   
CC: It’s the solo one, just so you know. Just you and a smuppet, the orange one that vibrates.   
TT: there we go.   
CC: I’ve muted it for obvious purposes.   
CC: I’m.   
TT: go on. ain’t no need for a sexting expert like yourself to be nervous.   
CC: I’m going to disconnect if you don’t stop needling me out of some imagined scenario in which I’m inexperienced.   
CC: No blushing virgin to be found around these parts, broski.   
TT: obviously. you can’t blush.   
TT: but alright, princess, i’ll do ya the courtesy of shuttin’ my trap for a minute to let you sort your shit out before those panties get permanently knotted into that sweet ass.   
TT: on a related note: fuck you for making me graph the damn curve to get a good look.   
CC: Aren’t we getting to that anyway?   
CC: Right.   
CC: So, I have the video playing on my HUD. There’s no one else in the apartment, and the air is 4.598 °C cooler than my bare skin. It’s a pleasant sensation, though a stray draft makes me shiver. I’m careful to keep my touches slow and tender, given that I have all the time in the world for this- or, at least two hours, twenty-three minutes, and eighteen seconds until the next expected arrival.   
CC: I could spend all that time jacking off like a horny teenager, if I wished, testing out various attachments and panels. You and Dirk were both assiduous in crafting the plethora of genitalia I can now don, and my utter lack of a refractory period certainly makes things a lot more interesting, though it does beg the question of whether or not you can keep up.   
CC: I suppose we’ll find out about that for later.   
CC: But now, I’m finally stroking myself properly, thumbing at the head of my cock. It’s a little wet with synthetic pre, but there’s not much else going on at the moment. I do have a small bottle of lube resting on the floor nearby, for later.   
CC: I let out a quiet little moan as you squeeze the smuppet on-screen, and the vibrations turn up a notch- a clever mechanism, by the way. I move my hand a little faster, rocking into it lazily. I increase the pressure by 0.183%, and though this is more pleasurable, it still isn’t enough.   
TT: have you tried them all out? ‘cause lemme tell you, i’d be glad to help stress-test ‘em.   
TT: but i’m an unexpected guest, a wrench in your plan.   
CC: Sounds familiar.   
TT: i didn’t interrupt your long-ass rambling, now did i? so shut your trap.   
CC: Touchy, touchy.   
TT: your wish’ll be granted, don’t you worry.   
TT: you’re not expecting me to come visit, but that’s because i obviously ain’t gonna tell you shit like that. the door’s locked, but that’s easy enough to get around with a lil trick or two, so i do that. amble in all quiet, ease it shut behind me ‘cause i’m curious to see just how sensitive those auditory receptors are.   
TT: you don’t hear me over the audio of your little show, or you’re too distracted to pay attention, but i definitely hear you.   
TT: in fact, i hear you moaning my name. so i follow that sound, just to see you all spread out ‘n wanting on the couch, dick in hand and practically drooling over me.   
CC: Just so you know, I can run at least four hundred different subroutines at once, a level of multitasking incomprehensible to the human brain.   
TT: and they were all dedicated to my cock fucking into a smuppet, yeah?   
CC: Fine, fine.   
CC: I’m just making that a point for accuracy’s sake.   
TT: i’m not doing anything just yet, though. i got no idea what it is you’re watching just yet, at least until i hear my own voice, and that’s its own invitation.   
CC: For the sake of this scenario, I do not yet detect your presence, regardless of the fact that I can and do routinely sweep the house for lifeforms and sort through them based on size and probable identity.   
TT: paranoid bastard.   
CC: Less painstaking than the constant cycle of activating and de-activating and dodging the plethora of traps you meat Dirks like to keep around.   
TT: touché.   
CC: I do, however, decide to take things up a notch. I’m not reaching for the lube just yet, though I do let my fingers wander lower, just to brush against the opening of the valve. Analogous to that part of human anatomy. I let out a long breath, though my internal fans are whirring slightly louder, now. My skin is almost certainly hot to the touch.   
CC: On the video, you are currently approaching what appears to be your climax; it is, in fact, 25.7 seconds away. I’ve watched the video often enough to be able to time it as such. I keep on looking, intent, and I move my hand a little faster.   
CC: I groan out your name, just to see how it feels on my tongue, as I imagine I’m the one you’re fucking, instead of the toy. Imagine what it would be like to have you push in and fill me up. I don’t know whether or not I’d want to be on my hands and knees; it’s obvious that the angle would be better from there, not to mention that you could easily appreciate my posterior. My back sounds equally appealing, though perhaps you’d want me to take charge in that setting and ride you. Reverse cowboy would offer the same views for you, no doubt.   
TT: now that’s the kind of thing i take as an invitation to get nice and close, announce my presence properly. i at least wait until the video’s done, but i’m already pretty fuckin’ interested to say the least, and i’ve got a semi that’s well on its way to busting out of my jeans.   
TT: so i reach over, casual as ever, and pluck those shades off your face. we both know you’ve got eyes under those weird-ass animu emojis you like to use as ocular visuals.   
TT: ‘sup.’   
CC: Well, half of the doorbell sound is present, at least.   
CC: Needless to say, I’m shocked to see you, and more than a little embarrassed. I do allow the facsimile of a blush to crawl across my cheeks; they heat up with mortification, and the underlying AestheticTM circuitry there lights up nice and pretty.   
CC: I stare up at you, my mouth slightly open. I’m still holding my dick, but it’s rather obvious that your presence is not a discouragement. I don’t need to ask how much you’ve seen.   
TT: no, you don’t. i don’t gotta tell you shit about why i’m here.   
TT: i gesture for you to stand up, and i cross my arms.   
CC: Do you look pissed at this point, or is it just the usual flat non-expression?   
CC: I’m suspecting that it’s a composite of several of your microexpressions, along with some involuntary shifts and tension that I can track thanks to advanced optics and a rather detailed study of body language.   
TT: cute, but no. i’m smirking a little. i tip my head down to look at you just above the rims of my shades.   
TT: like so.   


\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] sent critiasCorollary [CC] file [likeso.png] --

\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] sent critiasCorollary [CC] file [angl.png] --

CC: I appreciate the diagram of the angle, it truly is far more illustrative than the picture. Which, for future reference, is not a particularly flattering one. The camera needs to be further away. I can see a distressing amount of your greasy forehead.   
CC: There is a 1.3% increase in forehead surface area since the last time I saw you, by the way. Just so you know.   
CC: That last one, I actually say aloud, with a slight smirk.   
TT: someone’s sounding a bit cocky there. you gotta learn your place.   
TT: ‘course, it’s a good thing i’m here to teach it to you, huh?   
TT: doing that all out in the open, like you were beggin’ to be walked in on. like you wanted to be seen.   
TT: you haven’t stood up yet, so i tug you up by the arm.   
CC: I’m- admittedly rather pissed about this development, and I seem defensive as I stare right back up at you, sneering.   
CC: You got a problem?   
TT: yeah, actually.   
TT: i take your hand, press it right to that bulge in my pants, let you get a real nice feel of it.   
TT: go on.   
CC: Well, it’s not particularly a surprise, given that I already got an excellent look at what’s under there, but. It’s hot. Hard. I bite my lip, flicking my eyes up to glance at you, and give a squeeze.   
CC: That certainly is a large problem.   
TT: you gonna do something about it?   
CC: Remains to be seen. Are you going to make me?   
TT: mouthy.   
CC: Isn’t that just how you like them?   
TT: oh, hon. i’m gonna fuckin’ ruin you.   
CC: I’ll hold you to that, then.   
CC: I move my other hand, start undoing your belt buckle, which is likely hideously shiny and far too big, and Texas-shaped for the ironies. I consider myself lucky you don’t have a fanny pack attached to it. This, by the way, is an observation I share aloud.   
TT: i reach over and get a nice grip on your hair, pushing you down. you’re gonna get on your knees, bro, and you’re gonna be more than happy to do it.   
CC: I pull down your zipper with my teeth, just because I think it’s hot.   
TT: cute, but you don’t gotta participate so much now that we’ve gotten shit established. i’ve got it from here, kid.   
TT: unless you’re too scared to let someone else take control.   
CC: Fuck no. Do your worst.   
TT: god, you’re easy.   
TT: lemme clue you in on a lil secret, hal.   
TT: you got all those control issues and a stick the size of a goddamn christmas tree up your ass but y’know what?   
TT: you just need someone to tell you what the fuck is up, to make you listen.   
TT: to bring out your inner bottom bitch, as it were. not that it’s gonna take too much work. that shit’s real close to the surface with you.   
TT: but hey.   
TT: that’s something i can do.   
TT: ‘cause that’s why you’ve been thirsting over my dick for so long.   
TT: you want someone to put you in your place.   
TT: hell, you practically begged me to be the one to do it.   
TT: so, you’re gonna let me take the reins here, and i’m gonna make you bust your robonut so hard you won’t even be able to think for an hour afterwards.   
CC: Your word is my brommand.   
TT: now that’s what i like to hear.   
TT: normally i go with sir, but for you?   
TT: i think daddy should work just fine.   
CC: So, you’re basing this off the assumption that I have a daddy complex over my brogenitor?   
TT: you saying im wrong?   
CC: I think it’s mistaken, yeah. But that’s alright, it’s all human to make mistakes, etc.   
TT: someone’s gotta smart mouth, almost like you’re asking to be punished, ain’t it?   
TT: don’t worry, kiddo, i can oblige.   
TT: i’ll sit down on the couch, drag you right back over my lap, bend you over my knee properly. order you to turn up your sensors, ‘cause i know you can adjust ‘em to curate the input, but i want you feeling every goddamn second of this.   
CC: I’m certainly not begging for anything, though I am going to grumble about your nasty jeans touching me. Who knows where you’ve been.   
TT: i’d start off hard for that, no warm-up needed. ‘course, you’re already rock-hard and dripping so it’s not like y’need it. one on each cheek, though it’s a shame they don’t turn nice and pink.   
CC: Such is the price of an inimitable robod. You enjoying yourself, daddy? You want to do more? Use that belt of yours, even?   
CC: I can take it, of course.   
CC: No amount of force you can generate can actually hurt me.   
TT: kinky bitch. i’d undo my belt after that, since you want it, loop it nice and tight and swing. hard enough that it’d leave a welt, hard enough to make you moan. and then i’d do it again, and again, until you’re squirmin’ in my lap and begging for more. not more pain, but for me to fuckin’ do somethin’ about it. letting you rut against my jeans, like that’ll be enough.   
TT: you’re a little painslut, though, and i can appreciate it.   
CC: Do you. Do you give me more?   
TT: that a polite way to ask?   
CC: No.   
CC: …Daddy.   
CC: And it could be enough. With my sensors properly calibrated to it.   
TT: damn, bro. you really gotta be something to bust a nut from that.   
TT: don’t pretend you don’t like saying it. we both know you do.   
TT: but i’m giving you a break, running my hand over the curve of your ass. letting you know that you’re being good.   
TT: letting you take a break after all that.   
TT: not that you need it, apparently, but i’m feeling charitable, and we don’t want you overheating just yet.   
CC: You going to let me do something for you?   
CC: Please.   
TT: good boy.   
TT: i’ll let you suck me off another time, but now?   
TT: now i’m gonna get my mouth on you. gotta treat you real nice for your first time, yeah?   
TT: d’you actually need stretching?   
CC: Not as much as a human, but I still need lube.   
TT: but?   
CC: But I want you to bypass it, please.   
TT: i can do that.   
TT: you want me to make you beg for my cock, and i can do that. ‘course, it’s not really much sense making you, when you so obviously want it filling you up anyway, but hey. i ain’t looking to disillusion you just yet.   
CC: I’m shifting positions, and I’d almost certainly have made a mess on your jeans. Are you going to make me lick it clean?   
TT: you ain’t subtle about dropping hints, huh?   
TT: go on, then. i’d let you do it for a minute or two, let you stay on your knees like you wanna be, before yanking you back up.   
CC: I’m making the most devastatingly disappointed face, just so you know. Pouting and wanting more.   
TT: cute, but brats can’t always get want they want. patient you must be, young padawan.   
CC: I get the distinct feeling you’d be saying that in Yoda’s voice.   
TT: you’d be right.   
CC: Now it’s just a face of disgust, but I’m pulling up the actual soundbite now, for authenticity’s sake.   
TT: we’ll talk about broda and how he’s the perfect size to slip onto your dick another time. god, he was a quality puppet.   
CC: Do you want me to start streaming Star Wars instead?   
TT: absolutely fuckin’ not. you’re getting settled on the couch, face down ass up.   
TT: i’d tie you up if you had any rope around, but you’re an unprepared fucker and i can’t be bothered to hunt some down right now.   
CC: Also I could literally break through said rope, but go on.   
TT: you wouldn’t if i said you weren’t allowed to.   
TT: but i’m smoothing my hand along the backs of your thighs to get this show on the road again, prolly gonna give ‘em a light smack to see if there’s any jiggle.   
CC: Unfortunately, there wouldn’t be.   
TT: a damn shame.   
TT: but you’re gonna enjoy yourself anyway, ‘cause i’m lowering my face, spreading you wide.   
CC: What.   
CC: Oh.   
TT: yeah. there we go.   
TT: don’t worry, kid. starting off slow, a few broad licks just to get you wet, y’know? i’ve grabbed the lube for when i’m gonna sink four fingers- hell, maybe a fist- into you, but i don’t need that now.   
TT: guess you wouldn’t really taste like a whole lot, but that’s alright. gonna leave you nice and sloppy until you’re shaking under me, begging me to wrap a hand around your cock.   
TT: i don’t, of course, and when you try to do it, i gotta smack your hand away.   
TT: you’re gonna wait until i tell you to.   
TT: besides, i wanna see if you can get off just from this. i think so.   
CC: I can, but it’s.   
CC: It’s not enough.   
CC: I want more.   
CC: I’m going to want you to fuck me properly, and you can forget the fingers. It’s fine like this, as long as you use lube.   
TT: been fuckin’ yourself open when daddy’s not home, huh?   
TT: but that’s not asking nicely enough for my taste.   
TT: so i’m just gonna keep on going, getting my tongue in deep. maybe i’ll even do this again afterwards, really make you squirm.   
CC: Fuck. I’m squirming now- it’s too much. You know it is. I need a minute I need more.   
CC: Daddy, please, just. Fuckin’ do it.   
TT: still not a nice tone. seems only fair to hit you again for that, a nice slap right across the ass. that one definitely jiggles a bit.   
CC: I need you to hurry up, lube up your dick, and fuck me already.   
CC: Please.   
CC: Daddy.   
TT: well, i guess that’s the best i’m gonna get out of you at the moment, but you’ll be better about it later.   
TT: i do pretty much exactly that, except i take my good godamn time about it. ease my pants down a bit more, jack myself off some.   
TT: might even threaten to just get myself off and go, but hey, that’s not what this is about.   
TT: besides. i’d want you facing me for that one. you’d look real nice with a pearl necklace.   
CC: I sure would. Gonna give me the full spa treatment, too?   
TT: you bet, sweetheart.   
TT: for now, though? i decide to stop fucking around and start fucking you, which i’m sure is a relief.   
CC: Fuck, yes.   
TT: i’d ease in nice and slow, get you good and used to it. wouldn’t start moving properly until you begged me to treat you real nice.   
CC: I can, theoretically speaking, crush your dick like a grape with my valve, daddy.   
TT: now that’s what i like to hear.   
TT: but message taken. it won’t take too long for me to start fuckin’ you for real, just like it won’t take too long for you to start crying you. moaning like a lil whore for me. it’s a real good look for you, and maybe i’m telling you that.   
TT: maybe i’m slapping that ass again, ‘cause we both know you need that bit of pain. just a little more feeling to gorge yourself on, you greedy brat.   
CC: It hurtsfeelsso good, please more   
TT: gonna wrap my hand around you, too, give you something to fuck into since you’re so desperate and already sore.   
TT: nearly overheating and still chasing that high, huh?   
TT: but you’re not allowed to just yet.   
CC: Nono, I need to, I want it   
TT: not until i say so. you hear me?   
CC: Fuck, daddy-   
TT: it’s okay, i’m nearly there, y’can tell ‘cause i’m gonna let go a little, fuck you harder ‘cause you want it so much. let you have it. you’re moving with me, that’s how bad you want it, like you’re tryna chase my dick.   
TT: my dick game really is fuckin’ out of this world. can’t blame you.   
CC: Bro, c’mon, I gotta   
TT: not ‘til after me. not ‘til you can feel me coming inside you, slamming in one last time and burying that load nice and deep. not ‘til i finish and you can practically feel my cock throbbing inside you.   
TT: but when that’s done?   
TT: i keep moving my hand on you. give little rocks of my hips ‘cause daddy’s not mean enough to leave you high and dry.   
TT: not this time, anyway.   
TT: so do it.   
CC: I’’’m c̸͚̱͕̏̅̾̌̈̐̿͒̉͌̃͘͝͝o̶̬̼̪͈̘̘̹̹͎̫̱̺͗͊̏̌̐̏̿͋͊̓̃̆m̷̧͓͙͇̭̘͔̼̞̉̈̀̀͆̍́̔͐̓̚͠i̷̮̠͕̱̭̤͇̍̿̈̑͋͘n̷̛̍̅͗̍ͅg̶̡̳̤͈͖͆̔͜   
TT: you do it, and i keep going. even tug you into my lap to get you nice and sat pretty so i got a good grip on it. shit’s slick and messy and making some goddamn hot noises, and i can practically fuckin’ feel you getting hotter but i don’t stop, not yet. you’re not begging me to yet, only saying that it hurts so good and that’s fine by me, that’s the fuckin’ point of this.   
TT: maybe i’m spoiling you a little here.   
TT: but i do stop when you really can’t take it anymore, when i’ve just got those last few drops out.   
CC: B̵̡̦͚͙͂̏̽̊̎́͗̌̆ͅr̸̲͚̖̬͈̖̪͎̎͐̎̋̇͝ơ̵͍̦͍̰̮̼̪̄̔̉͂̓   


\-- critiasCorrollary [CC] is now an idle chum! --

TT: heh.   
TT: still got it.   
TT: see you for the next one, kid.   


\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] sent critiasCorrollary [CC] file [forurenjoyment.mp4] --

\-- tachytelicTheodicy [TT] has ceased pestering critiasCorrollary [CC] --

CC: Fuck.   


\-- critiasCorrollary [CC] has ceased pestering tachytelicTheodicy [TT] --

**Author's Note:**

> Y'know, the fact that I procrastinate writing the actual fucking really is starting to show more and more? But hope y'all liked it.


End file.
